"I have demons, haunted parts of my life and myself that are painful and scary. Facing them, revealing them, makes them too real," Mackenzie Phillips, seen here at 17, writes in her new book "High on Arrival," in which she reveals that she had consensual sex with her father John Phillips for years.
"Dad was the great and terrible sun around which his children, wives, girlfriends, fellow musicians, and drug dealers orbited, relentlessly drawn to his fierce, inspiring, damaging light," writes Mackenzie Phillips, who says she had a sexual relationship with her father, John Phillips, a member of the '60s band The Mamas and the Papas. She is seen here singing with former band member Dennis Doherty on March 27, 2001.
"There are happy memories of the stable work and family I found on 'One Day at a Time.' There are loving and painful memories of the f***ed-up family I wouldn't trade for the world." Mackenzie Phillips wrote. She's seen here at the 33rd AFI Life Achievement Award Tribute to George Lucas on June 9, 2005, in Hollywood, Calif.
Mackenzie Phillips also claims her father, John Phillips, introduced her to drugs. "[He] shot me up for the first time," she revealed in a promotional video for her appearance on the "The Oprah Winfrey Show." "I was crouched on the floor...He put the needle in my arm and put the plunger in and he missed." John, who died in 2001, is seen here, second from right, with The Mamas and the Papas in London, Oct. 5, 1967.
"I have had more than my share of highs and lows. But all of it happened, it's real, and it's who I am," Mackenzie Phillips writes in her new tell-all in which she details a sexual relationship with her father John Phillips. Here, her father's band The Mamas and the Papas are seen performing onstage on Aug. 20, 1966, in Los Angeles. From left are: John Phillips, his wife Michelle Phillips, Dennis Doherty and Cass Elliott.
In her book, Mackenzie Phillips details the consensual sexual relationship she had with her father, John Phillips, which she believes began the night before her 1979 wedding to Jeff Sessler. "My father was not a man with boundaries...I woke up that night from a blackout to find myself having sex with my own father," she wrote. The two later toured together in the band The New Mamas & The Papas, seen here in this photo.
Mackenzie Phillips' father John Phillips (far right) is seen in a 1967 publicity shot for The Mamas and the Papas. Mackenzie claims in a new book that her father and she started a drug-clouded sexual relationship in 1979. The former child star has a long history of drug abuse, and pleaded guilty in 2008 to one count of felony cocaine possession and entered rehab.
Michelle Phillips poses in New York City in July 1973. Michelle was married to Mackenzie Phillip's father, John Phillips, for eight turbulent years marked by infidelities and substance abuse. She was part of John's band the Mamas and the Papas and has had a successful acting career.
"Was he actually raping her? I don't know," Mackenzie Phillips' half sister Chynna Phillips told Us magazine. "Do I believe that they had an incestuous relationship and that it went on for 10 years? Yes." Here Chynna, left, is seen with mother Michelle Phillips at the series premiere of "Dirty Sexy Money" on September 23, 2007.
"All my life I've been a person who starts things and can't finish them. As a junkie, as an actress and musician, as a mother -- it's been hard for me to complete even the simplest cycles of action," Mackenzie Phillips writes in her new book. She is seen here with "One Day at a Time" cast mate Valerie Bertinelli, left, during a cast reunion on the "Today" show in 2008.
"In the mid '80s, when I was on tour with The New Mamas and the Papas, a porter brought two packages up to my hotel room. One contained a book, my father's newly published memoir, but I was more interested in the other package -- a flat FedEx letter containing an eighth of an ounce of cocaine," Mackenzie Phillips writes in her new book "High on Arrival." She's seen here at "A Mother's Day Salute to TV Moms" on May 6, 2008.
"Sitting on that bench, looking ahead, I knew that in some way I had to go back. I had to go back 15 years, to all the work I'd done when I got sober, to the surgery that had sent me into remission for so long. I had to see what was left unfinished," Mackenzie Phillips writes in her new book "High on Arrival." She was fired due to drug use in 1982 by the hit sitcom "One Day at a Time," seen here in a signed cast photo.
"How had I gotten myself here? Was this happening? The best and worst moments of my life have always felt surreal, as if the events were just another entry in that foreign index someone else created. But the cuffs cut into my hands with the cold rigidity of reality," Mackenzie Phillips writes in her new book "High on Arrival." Here, she is seen on a March 17, 1980 People cover with her "One Day at a Time" cast mates.
"Nearly 50 years old, I found myself in a police station in the San Fernando Valley in Los Angeles. I was sitting in a hallway on a bench," Mackenzie Phillips writes. "My hands were cuffed and the handcuffs were hooked to the bench. All the cops were staring at me: the middle-aged lady, the former child star, who had just been busted at the airport for heroin possession. A low, low moment."
"In each city, a FedEx like the one I was holding awaited me, and I spent all day every day in my hotel room, shooting up coke, coming out only to appear onstage for the nightly gig," Mackenzie Phillips writes in "High on Arrival." "Then I'd return to my hotel and do more coke. I was 26 years old." She's seen here in a screen grab from "One Day at a Time."
Phillips, seen here in an upcoming segment from "The Oprah Winfrey Show," claims she engaged in a longtime incestuous relationship with her father, The Mamas and the Papas member John Phillips, who died in 2001. Both John and Mackenzie waged public battles with drug addiction.
"It is time to sort out a life that too often I left blurry, unprocessed, unreal, hoping that in doing so I would be leaving it behind me forever," Mackenzie Phillips writes in "High on Arrival." She's seen here with her son, Shane Fontayne Jr., in a snapshot from an upcoming segment from "The Oprah Winfrey Show."
"It is time for me to return to that life, to face it, explain it, accept it, and let it rest as the insane, fun, ridiculous, terrifying, and true sequence that led a bright, goofy, famous little girl to a bleak jail bench, and I want to do it right, so that it is real and whole, and I in turn become real and whole," Mackenzie Phillips writes in her memoir "High on Arrival."